Conviction

I’ve been here.
Rationalizing moves I might make,
Yet lacking the required conviction
That makes boldness possible.

My internal dialogues are repetitive.
I am uncertain that my poses are
Not merely studied.

As time passes my sense of righteousness grows,
Becomes a banner I wear
To proclaim my virtue. There is no wisdom
In the face of contemptuous indifference.

I suspect that near the surface,
Infancy, obdurate and insistent,
Rules my field of vision,
As though I might be holding my breath
Forcing others to seek my forgiveness.
Ah! But I would be sublimely, nay divinely kind,
And so charitable that both God and man
Might deem me worthy of immortality.

I cannot love those I do not like.
Still the possibility remains
That tomorrow will be resplendent
And an adult will remark upon it.