Katz’s Pastrami

It is not impossible that a better Pastrami exists.
Perhaps in some shetl in Siberia there is a man
Who hand raises cows, one at a time.
That cow is watched over, night and day.

That man is very orthodox,
Reads from his ancient bible everyday.
His recitations conducted in the cows presence.
Are part of the exhaustive requirements for great Pastrami.

Of course that man is a great believer in customs.
In his hamlet of Pastramiowitz all is in order,
And order requires much from a Pastrami maven.
Dancing and appropriate prayers are part of the ritual.

The shetl no longer insists on virgin sacrifices.
It was abolished when 14 year old virgins became extinct.
Still, the weekly baths and kosher diet
Make great demands on the near sacred cow.

I am told, but offer no proof,
That on rare occasions,
Perhaps once every 25 years,
A cow is raised offering better Pastrami than Katz.

Someday I will visit Pastramiowitz
Hoping to confirm or destroy this rumor.
Until such time I will pray for Katz’s continued existence
And bless their Pastrami.

Amen.