Advanced Healthcare Directive

As my life has exceeded Abe Lincoln’s  3 score and 10

It is time to plan for my end.

My memory, always suspect,

Now requires a trail of bread crumbs

To lead me back from “here”, wherever  this is, to “there”, wherever that is.

In this spirit I state the following as my Healthcare Directive:

1. If I am ill cure me.

2. If my parts become dysfunctional  replace them.

3. If I recall events that did not happen agree with me.

4. If I wander from the path change my direction

5. If I smell use soap. If that does not work chances are I’m dead, and stop washing me.

6. If dead, points 1 through 4 can be discarded

7. If dead I’d like my body parts distributed as follows:

         a. Hair, to the Foundation for “People Wanting to Look Ancient”

         b. Brain, if located, boiled as a secret ingredient  in borscht.

         c. Skull, drill a 3/4” hole in the top & use as candle holder for romantic dinners.

         d. Eyes, along with corrective lenses, to a latent voyeur.