A Letter To A Son

I suppose being your father and the more likely to predecease, I should have some reflections that might be of interest to you. I chose “interest” over “value” because I’ve found that the things I’ve learned may not transfer well, nor am I convinced I have really understood life.

So here is what I want to share:

1. If you have a mate who shares your most important values and one that you love, support her as an equal and treat her trials and accomplishments as your highest priority. I have often failed at this, and I hope you will be more consistent and conscious of her needs and desires.

2. You seem to have friends, some of whom go back many years. Stay in touch with them and don’t concern yourself with being the taller head when/if you compare to see who has done 51% of the lifting.

3. Try to keep money from controlling your life. I still believe there are lots of things that are more important.

4. Find a task that you can treat as a cause. For me it has been as simple as delivering meals or as complex as working on a Board of Directors.  What matters is that you care. You’ll know you care when you can look back & notice the trail you have left, or lack thereof. If you are really lucky you might find your work such a cause, but I’ve not been that lucky.

5. You seem to be able to judge your efforts rationally. That’s a big plus, but check with your mate for a somewhat more objective view.

6. My biggest business mistakes have come from not paying attention. Just being lazy or egotistical has gotten me into really dumb situations; try to hold them to a minimum.

7. Look for help whether from a friend, a website, or a knowledgeable stranger. You don’t have to make every mistake & recognize that even a not so clever person may have a good idea.

8. You can start over. A friend went through a really ugly bankruptcy, coupled with a divorce. He more than survived the situation, and rebuilt a very good life.  Remember my friend Al? He is a recovering alcoholic who has built a good life.

It’s not that I wish failures on you, but good people make mistakes and many do more than survive.

9. Patience. Not a trait that our family is noted for. Work on it.

10.  Remember that I love you and think you are a good Man.