Pre Apologize

“I didn’t mean to shoot her.

It was a mistake, I apologize.”

Chances are it won’t work.

No, no, no. Apology not accepted.

Neither the church, the court, 

Or the neighbor, lying wounded

In her Rose garden, would give you 

A “Get out of trouble” card.

Even little things,

Calling your mother-in-law a “bitch”,

Now require something more than 

Post calamity contrition.

What if upon entering a room

You were to offer a pre-apology?

“Folks, I might say something in the next 3 hours

That will offend . I apologize.”

True, the initial reaction could be one of ‘huh”?

But later, when you prove yourself a Cassandra,

Those people may recall your precious apology,

And recognize your courageous fight with the devil.

“After all, he knew his weakness and warned of consequences,

Tried to stiffen our hearts for the blow”.

“Poor fellow, must need counseling”.

Here, we have turned failure into a heroic struggle  .

Suppose we could codify pre-apologizing.

Atonement after the fact difficult to schedule?

Not a problem, with a pre-approved 

Monthly plan covering cursing and masturbation.

Expecting a bad report card?

Mom will ground you for 150 years.

Not so, with a 24 hour advance purchase

Covering math and science grades.

A tiny marital slip, caught on camera,

While involved in a messy divorce

Could cost you every last peso,

Without a pre approved “oops” policy.

People, we are looking at the end of guilt.

No need to genuflect, or slash wrists.

A $500. full coverage plan, good for a year,

Will neutralize sin at a bargain price.