Running For President

 I have run a successful business,

Experienced losing a foot race.

Never requested or received “earmarked funds”.

I consider  my lack of exposure to political wars

My most significant qualification.

I fervently believe in motherhood.

Born and raised in Brooklyn I understand conflict.

I have never shot a Polar Bear from a helicopter,

But did own a BB gun as a child.

I believe in justice and the American way.

When elected I will meet with everyone: all 300 million of you,

And visit you houses of worship.

World peace is my pledge.

I will hunt down America’s enemies and destroy them.

I will not accept money from anyone.

Mine is a door to door campaign, I will walk the entire country.

I am unalterably opposed to evil.

I stand for the repeal of estate, income, sales and all other taxes.

Knowing we will be oil dependent forever,

I will give every man, women and child a shovel

And ask you all to join me, “digging to solve our energy concerns”.

Under my administration there will be no medical costs.

All people will be healthy until death.

My economic plan calls for the distribution of $500,000

To all legal residents, assuring prosperity to all.

Every vote is crucial. To assure the security of all ballots

I will review your ballot in the comfort of your home,

And personally deliver it to the tabulation center.

Lets make America great again!

Buy my book, “12 Steps to Having It All”,

An absolute necessity to understanding the bliss we will share,

And a prerequisite to leaving this stadium.