Friday, May 1, 2015

Lunch with Franz Kafka and Ayn Rand


I was just on time, which really meant I was unforgivably late. Ayn insisted we should never be seen starting after the station whistle trumpeted the noon hour. Franz, of course, was never exempt from Ayn’s wrath on the grounds that he did not believe in time. In other words everything was “in order”.
We dined at the Railroad Restaurant so that we might not miss the Tuesday special. Franz did believe in the Tuesday special, not withstanding it was invariably meat, and he was a vegetarian. Of course the special, while noted on the restaurant wall, was never served. He explained this apparent absurdity by recalling that the world was to cease existence on a Tuesday, and it could best be seen from this restaurant, but not if waiters were running around serving food. When asked how we might note the Earth’s disappearance, or why would it occur on a Tuesday Franz would refer to the great celestial clock that hung just west of the Andromeda Galaxy. Apparently that clock would signal the beginning of the end. Neither Ayn nor I understood how Franz knew this, but Franz had always been a bit strange.
My job is to reserve our corner table, but as there was only one table and three chairs in the corner of this wonderful restaurant, and no one had ever been observed entering or leaving the place except us, I never did call. It really didn’t matter as our three avocado sandwiches were always sitting on the table. In truth, I can’t remember our ever eating those sandwiches.

Today we were to discuss the nature of God. Last Tuesday I had suggested God was merely an abstraction, a piece of theatre, that did not exist, or if it did exist it was not near the restaurant and had no power over anyone in the restaurant. On this Tuesday, Ayn started screaming about the need for John Galt to keep the trains running on time. We had heard this before and Franz and I chose to ignore the outburst, knowing she would calm down before the end of time, assuming time existed.


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