All Hail Columbus

I'll grant you it's clever,

But by the sixth floor

My legs aren't happy,

And Columbus isn't impressed.

Only in New York, in the middle of Columbus Circle,

The home of “fogidaboit”,

Would this loony idea take shape.

A six story walk-up to Columbus's living room.

The statue outdates me,

Although Its pedestal rises five stories

It remains unnoticed by most park visitors, street vendors

And costumed carriage drivers selling horse-drawn rides.

Columbus will remain in his apartment for three weeks.

It is a very upscale location,

Reached by a magic staircase,

With no visible support.

Skin In The Game

Your idea of “skin in the game”

Starts with an unfortunate premise:

You mistake money for skin.

Show me your calloused hands.

You may take your money,

But don’t suggest you support equal opportunity.

You support the laws that benefit few

And those are the laws you will abide.

You may never have known a time

When those who did not rise

Could be considered anything but fodder.

Useful, best kept humble.

Budgeted Robotics

Her words were well articulated 

And delivered with the speed

Of a 15 second TV commercial;

Unflappable, right when wrong.

I’m not sure what school Budget Rent-A-Car people go through,

But it most include compulsory blood draining,

Along with a lobotomy.

Only my distressed scream could slow her down.

After offering me a discount if I prepaid,

She recited 3 potential additional charges 

That came with a prepayment,

It seemed the discount had disappeared.

She then quoted a price $20 higher

If I took advantage of the prepayment option.

When I declined the “discount”

She recommended a GPS addition at $75 for the night. 

I avoided suggesting a medium priced car

Might cost the same and offer other options.

When I disconnected it was with the suspicion

That the service agent was being retired to her coffin.

The Circle

Fifteen people took turns

Reading what they’d written, or what they liked.

It was a fine late September afternoon,

And I was getting angry.

People arrived very late.

Some interrupted to enlighten us,

Forcing me to reread stanzas

After I’d explained why they existed.

At least the young guy read a little

And seemed genuinely interested in writing.

Terra is a terrific host,

Encouraging everyone to join in.

Why was I so pissed?

I need a Prosac.

Yeah, I didn’t like the two language piece.

It was long,…too very long & obscure.

All that time, 10 minutes out of the hour, was insufferable.

Where was I going that it mattered?

Was I going to read a piece that would overwhelm the others?

Was this a lesson I badly needed... maybe so. 

A Place to Wait

Southern Florida, with its warm winters, no State Income Tax,

And innumerable discounts for seniors,

Has been a magnet 

For retirees from the northeast.

They come here to wait,

To write emails to friends

Who are yet to concede all their remaining years

To golf and MahJong.

Some of their friends who had lured

Them south are gone,

While others seem to have constricted

Their lives to health concerns.

If their plan is to wait to die,

It makes sense to find a comfortable chair.

Blue Eyed Mongolian

Blue eyes are recessive genes.

2000 years ago there were blue eyed Grecians 

That entered the Mongolian steppes.

They integrated and had brown- eyed children...

Except for the occasional throwback,

Which were few and became fewer.

Brown eyes are dominant,

So finally there were no blue eyed children...

Except for one girl

Whose family had never left the steppes.

Her blue eyes are not a concern to her family or tribe,

Who just think it a little odd.

Black pigment isn’t dominant or recessive,

But there is concern among brown and white- skinned people

That dark, very dark skinned people, are very different.

Even dangerously different.

Jews are thought by some to have dominant genes

That make them dangerous.

I wonder if those Mongolians with the blue- eyed girl

Would find the Jews or Blacks a little odd?

The 47%’ers

They are omnipresent!

Lurking in the corners of

Social Security and Unemployment Offices.

They suck blood from us hard-working Americans!

Lord, those people living high off the dole

Will drive this country to ruination!

30 years ago those old-timers retired,

Having put next to nothing into the FICA fund.

 Now those lazy, good-for-nothings 90- year olds

Don’t do a stick of work

And keep drawing out 8 or $9,000.

Coddling is what it is! And they don’t pay any tax.

Just look at the coal miners.

Get a little cough, maybe a tiny drop of blood,

And immediately they want free medical!

Once again they don’t pay any tax.

Do you have any idea how many 12-year-olds don’t work?

There must be millions. 

What a life! Free school, free food.

No wonder they don’t appreciate our sacrifices!

Some soldier loses his sight and legs

When a land-mine explodes under his boot.

And all we hear is “Give me!  Give me,

Man never goes out looking for a job.

It is long past time we White Christian providers,

We who are the 53%’ers take a stand.

Those 47%’ers are just enjoying a free ride.

Yessir, it is time those socialist free loaders paid up...

Walking While Chewing Gum

I turn the car radio off

When I’m following electronic driving directions.

Odds are against finding my destination

With the radio on.

Chances are I’ll get lost in any case,

But I’m a lock to wander near and far

If there is any distraction.

Distractions include other passengers.

Before I started wearing glasses,

Going back to when my eyes were sharp

And my powers of concentration maxed,

I usually got lost.

I do not believe we have had any presidents

That could not walk while chewing gum.

However, I did see a photo of a past leader

Inspecting a battle through covered field glasses.

I think there are parents that

Do not understand how to instruct their children.

Yesterday, I watched as a high testosterone father

Instructed his 7 children about their need for helmets,

Because no one over 20 ever has bike accidents.

A Tribute to Aly Raisman

What ought we to do with Little Aly Raisman?

I falter on my way to dismissal.

Why must she make a big deal

Out of 12 Jews who died 40 years ago?

Take your gold medal and celebrate!

Why did you honor those 12 Israeli’s?

Why do I care? It was terrible, but it was then.

Must every Jew pause, and check under his bed?

I think not. It is just you and me who must stop.

For not the first time ignorance and hate prevailed.

Will I change into a vigilante for peace,

Or is that the ultimate oxymoron?

Is Aly’s remembrance no more than

A wish the that human spirit survive,

And we not forget?

Maybe Aly had it right?

They Took My Phone

 It’s very upsetting.

There aren’t many places to hide it,

My half of the room is 120 square feet.

Maybe what’s-his-name stole it?

I have been misplacing things for years,

But doesn’t almost everyone?

My son will be here soon.

He’ll resolve the mystery.

Could be going home today.

I think that’s what the nurse said yesterday?

I don’t really think John stole---

See, I remembered his name.

It’s all very embarrassing.

Made that wrong turn

And couldn’t retrace my steps.

OK, it was silly, but his reaction was ridiculous!

Oh yes, the missing phone.

I remember calling Jim,

Funny, never think of him as Jimmy.

Don’t think I ever got through.

Looks like a nice day.

I’ll ask what’s-her-name

To accompany me around the grounds.

Ha! They think I’ll wander away.